Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
how drunk are you?
Several
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
