You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
