In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
