I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I stole a fireplace last night.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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