The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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