Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
