i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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