Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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