So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
