420 ftw
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
