Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
