There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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