my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
