whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
