Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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