I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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