Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
