My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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