My balls are so social today.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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