I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
