Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I don't deserve a penis
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
