Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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