sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
