Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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