in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
