No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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