And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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