Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
