Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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