Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
