you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
