i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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