You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
