fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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