I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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