Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
