so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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