Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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