if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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