She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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