Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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