There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
