i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
