She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You have to summon your inner elephant
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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