i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
