If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
pop tarts are not kleenex
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
