im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Randomize
