there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The beer is more important than you right now.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
