Banned from zoo.
Again?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
