My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
