Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
