some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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