I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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