That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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