my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
