Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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