Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
my liver is dry heaving
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
