and next time when you feel me up, do it right
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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