oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
