Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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