She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
