and she was petting her beer can
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
