Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
