You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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