Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
