i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
