I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
