dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
