We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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