you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
