I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
