what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
