Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
