i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
