who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
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This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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