I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
