i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
