i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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