3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
