I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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