I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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