I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
