I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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