Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
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